internship at in-sight started yesterday, things are going well. Both my "bosses" are cool, stephen is a bit intimidating but i think that's not very hard thing to achieve when it comes to being around someone like me. even 5 year olds can be intimidating to me =[

applied at d'angelos (again. did last summer too..) hopefully they'll reconsider and be like "hey, lets give this girl some normal work experience and money!" that would be nice.

i feel tired all the fucking time lately, it really sucks. i could stay in bed and sleep for days if i wanted too. it's rather depressing actually. but i'm not actually depressed. i just never have energy or motivation to get out of bed.

So i got back last friday from brazil. Being there was very interesting. Had a couple of unhappy moments with my mom. First was when I had just arrived, and last was when I was about to leave. All of it just made me grateful for how my dad is, how understanding and patient he is, and how he just lets me be me.

Going to see ministry with tim soon, I'm kind of nervous about that- big crowd of people. I've been to a concert before but this is probably going to be completely different.

Going to get a couple of new piercings sometime soon. I'm honestly a little scared about it. I was on the brink of doing it before but I chickened out last second. (REALLY last second, the needle was already touching the skin!)

Nothing else to really report. yay.

leaving for a full 6 days in são paulo. WOHOOO....

*grumbles*

So i had a rough first few days here with family and life. But things have settled and i feel like ive found a little place for myself here after all. I dont feel so alieanated anymore.

I'm really worried about my mother though. She's entering menapause and for the last six months her periods have been extremely heavy. This month its been worse, it seems like it's lasting forever too. The meds that work for other women are working for her and her doctors are a bit lost. She's loosing too much blood! She's become anemic and she feels weak all the time. If something doesn't happen to help her situation soon...i'm scared she really might die, i didnt really think about that possibility until she said something like that to me earlier today. She wanted me to take some stuff to her vet hospital and I was just waking up so she thought my unresponsiveness meant i didnt want to do anything, so she was like "Look, I cant go around doing things, if i do ill loose more blood and then i'll die, then you guys would have to look after the hospital!"

Uuugh...Damn doctors better find a solution quick!

mood: worried tags: family

http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t248/5laisa/DSCN2731.jpg
wellll i'm in brasilia!
lets see...general update i guess? i dont know why but i also dont know why not!

-i got to hang out with tim for four days in d.c.- much fun. saw persepolis in theaters, very good. then i got to buy my own watchmen book. and also some really cheap (but good!) cds and tapes. also ate delicious thai food. its only recently that i've discovered how good thai food really is. i never let myself explore it untill now that is. saw people with animal hats in the metro because i think it was katsucon weekend apparently.

-met with my japan buddies sally, kevin, zoe, and mike, in new york the day before my flight. what did we do...walked around...bought cake...and fries...and ramen...went into a tokyo toy shop. and found the jesus christ action figure. along with an action figure of a librarian and an obessesive compulsive cleaning person. it was interesting. OH! We saw some person being barmitzva-ed (spelling completely wrong i thin, i apologize) on the street. that was interesting too! sally said that aparently there's this guy who comes up to people and say "are you jewish?" if you are he then says, "have you had your barmitzva?" and if you haven't! he does it right there on the spot for you. new york is wacky.

-got on my flight. sat down next to a lady who liked to talk to me a lot. and asked me my opinions and stuff like, kids toys and glasses. and then i got in são paulo, my bag was one of the last one to get off the plane SO that made me miss the next flight- anxiety ensues! so i get a voucher to an hotel, i get there at 11 pm just to have to wake up at 3 am to get at the airport and checkin at 4 am, and then board the plane at 5.45 am. it was a lot of waiting. I DONT LIKE WAITING. Especially because i had no music to listen to. very very bored.

now i'm here in my moms new apartment, i guess i'm supposed to be calling this home. but i still feel completely out of place...i dont have "my room" here. it feels strange and it kind of sucks. i bet you how much that by the time i actually do feel at home, it will be about 5 weeks into the trip, giving me about one week until i just have to up and leave. i really feel in limbo right now. i dont feel right here, i dont want to be in vermont (though i will have to) and then there's COLLEGE coming up in the fall. i'm always being uprooted, but then again, when was i ever rooted down to begin with?

p.s. and what really sucks is i have none of my music with me. no wait, i do have one cd, but that's just...one.

location: brazil mood: distressed

Boots arrived today and my black mary jane shoes. Anyways-

Pictures of the boots-
http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t248/5laisa/DSC_0031.jpg
http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t248/5laisa/DSC_0030.jpg

There is so much space in the toe area (I'm pretty sure that's part of the design.) I can wiggle and spread my toes so much. Everything else is a snug fit, the ankles a bit loose but that can be fixed by wearing another pair of socks I'm sure.
I can now be three and half inches taller, TAKE THAT! Oh man, I can't wait to wear these with my dress.

mood: excited

Woot, travel plans are all figured out! I'll be going to brazil on the 19th of next month from jfk, spending a few days in d.c. before hand while my dad visits family in maryland.

I really hope I don't have to do some beach/waterfall trip while in brazil, I DUN WANTS BATHINSUITS.

It's been almost two fucking years since I've been to Brazil, NOT COOL. Anyways, when I come back in april I'll be going to a Ministry show in Baltimore, which is very exciting!

Cooper HomeShit is all done! I like the images for visceral, series based on a quote, and self-portrait. Everything else sucks ass. I'm really glad Tim was around during this, he was really helpful especially with the darkroom stuff. and with meltdown stuff DX Fucking stress. At least I've got three other schools to choose from when I get denied from CU.


Eu estou com tanta saudade...

mood: crappy

I got accepted into Massachusetts College of Art!

Now I don't care if I get rejected at Cooper. This hometest is STRESSING ME OUT. Nothing is working as envisioned. DX

tags: college

I received the cooper union hometest in the mail today. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Read everything over and I feel so discouraged. I really don't understand one of the art assignments, "a view at a checkpoint."....!??!?! I feel ok with everything else.

Although, I don't feel that ok with sending in my sketchbook. But OH WELL. They ask for it. I need to try to fill it up with stuff and then try to take out the shit that I really don't like/want to show.

The questionnaire doesn't seem very fun...oh boy, I hope I survive and make it ok. AT LEAST I'M GOING TO TRY. I'm pretty sure (100% sure) I won't get accepted. I don't feel I have enough imagination to have an interesting outcome with this test.

I'm being so pessimistic and negative right now. I HAVE NO FAITH IN MYSELF. It doesn't help at all if other people do. I have a feeling I'm going to end up disappointing.

mood: pessimistic music: The Cranberries- Wanted tags: college

Today i helped my dad clean the chimney- wait, scratch that, he helped ME clean the chimney. When i first heard about this new stunt we had to perform, he said "oh it's easy, all you have to do is pull down the brush, nothing much." Yeah, only if you're the one pulling the brush UP. Which was not me. After four years of no cleaning, that chimney got clogged up with all bunch of leaves and sticks, on yeah and a DEAD SQUIRREL. That was a pleasant surprise. As I was pulling with all my might on the rope to get the brush pass some blockage, i saw something fall down among the leaves and sticks. I started scoping things out, and i saw this reddish-brownish fur material, and I think to myself "Great, it's going to be something dead. Like a human head." It was a hard, sooty squirrel. I think it has been dead for about a year or three *shudders*. After that there was still a lot of sticks (A LOT of sticks) that i had to pull through, and i pulled HARD. I got a blister on my finger and got another finger scraped over and over again on the bricks. My right arm got all red and feels as if it were bruised because i had to press my arm up on the edge of the little opening to make my pulling more effective. Plus my hands got really black from all the soot. My dad just got to stand on the roof admiring the falling snow (we got a shit load of snow today, it's awesome!) pulling the brush back up without any resistance.

Moral of the story: Never wait four years before cleaning your chimney.

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
How the fuck did that happen?

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Yeah.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
I don't know.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Usually.

5. Can you make a pound/dollar in change right now?
Yeah

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
I'm not sure.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nope

8. How many cars are on your drive?
2

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Mmm...yes.

10. Whats your most favourite scar?
The one above my left knee.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Coming back from japan in july, it was actually three separate plane rides. YAH SO FUN!

12. What did the last text message you sent say and who to?
Uh...a looong time ago. To sally I think, when she was visiting.

13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Strong features. Intensity.

14. Fill in the blank. I love:
...oreos!

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Getting into college. That would be nice.

16. Did you ever disobey your parents?
I guess? Never anything major, they never were the big rules type.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
Not there yet.

18. Would you make a good parent?
With who i am now, no.

19. Where was your default picture taken?
Still from a music video by sia.

20. Whats your middle name?
Don't have one.

21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
Uh...this question I guess. I was thinking about my parents too from question 16.

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I would have made myself less difficult for my parents, this applies mostly for my childhood years.

23. Who was or will be the maid of honour/ best man at your wedding?
Not there yet!

24. What are you wearing right now?
jeans, socks, my purple shirt, a jacket.

25. Righty or Lefty?
right handed.

26. Best place to eat?
The indian palace in brattleboro. But that's just in brattleboro.

27. Favourite jeans?
The ones i'm wearing currently.

28. Favourite animal?
Meercats?

29. Favourite juice?
mmm.....grape and apple (not together...ew)

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
I don't remember. Probably?

31. Have you had a sore throat?
When I've been sick or screamed too much, yes.

32. Ever had a bar fight?
Never stepped foot in a bar to begin with.

33. Who knows you the best?
My friend.

34. Shoe size?
7 and half i guess. (american size)

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Not really, I got glasses once but not real reason for them. I FUCKING HATE HALOS but the eye guy said that's just because of the shape of my pupils and not much can be done. Asshole.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
....yes... but then she looked all cute again and it was impossible to stay mad.

37. Been to Mexico?
No.

38. Did you buy something today?
No.

39. Did you get sick today?
No.

40. Do you miss someone today?
Yes.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Nope.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
Japan, we pointed at the wrong thing on the list and just had our arms massaged. WEIRD.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Me...besides me, someone else.

44. Last person to see you cry?
A friend.

45. Who made you cry?
Me.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
Heroes.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Nothing. LIKE ALWAYS.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
No one.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
My computer. THERE'S PEOPLE IN IT.

50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
eeek! too early! no!

tags: questionaire

Last tuesday i saw (one of) my favourite band, Tegan and Sara. It was a lot of fun. It was strange though being there, i've never been around so many lesbians in one place at the same time! It was insane! I only saw two straight couples, heh. What was weirder was the man sitting next to me, he looked a little bit scared and kept taking notes in this small notepad. I think he was keeping track of what songs were being played, maybe he was taking notes for an article. I'M TRYING TO KEEP IT POSITIVE. I don't want to think of what he was doing if not for an article O_o

As expected, Sara did a lot of talking inbetween songs, and Tegan got a little fed up with it. At one point, Sara was telling us how she discovered a band from the 60s when she was "googling on youtube", a band called Vanilla Fudge. And she went on and on, and said "If I were vanilla fudge, I think I would be Fudge. How about you Tegan? Are you Vanilla or Fudge?" Tegan just replied with "I'm Tegan, from the band Tegan and Sara, now lets play." A couple times during that whole story Tegan had attempted starting the song while Sara was talking, at one point Sara had actually walked over and turned off her keyboard. It would have been a lot less funny if they weren't smiling and stuff, but Tegan still seemed pretty annoyed.

THE BEST part was when they played the last song, the most recent song that I have been obsessing over, I was thrilled. It was absolutely awesome seeing them play it live.

Over and out.

tags: concert, music, tegan and sara

so it all started wednesday.
and it's all over now.
Meh...now my life goes back to sucking.

mood: gloomy

A friend is going to be visiting this weekend. I'm really quite excited!

Mmmm..this weekend I turn 18 too. Weeeiiiiird!

mood: excited music: Sia- Breath Me (Mylo remix)

Stolen from seel, as i needed something to do before trying to sleep.

1. Initials: LBJ

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Mark Hatch (kid that i went to school with, we also both have sister's whose name is Maya.)

3. Last thing you ate: Chicken

4. For or against same sex marriage: For

5. Are you homophobic: No

6. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning?: Pfft, i don't wake up in the morning on saturdays.

7. Do you believe in God: Yes, but not in the same way.

8. How many U.S states have you been to: Uh...I have no clue. A lot.

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in: Two, vermont and north carolina.

10. Ever lived outside of the US: Yes (brazil)

11. Name something you like physically about yourself: The only thing i have no issues are my eyes, so i'll just say i "like them."

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: That's too hard, skiiip.

13. What is your dads name: William Johnson

14. What is your dream car: It used to be a jeep wrangler, but i dont care anymore.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Right this second- Brazil. In a greater scheme of things...i don't feel like sharing.

16. Favourite type of Food? Indian, oh my goooood it's delicious!!!!!!

17. Favorite holiday: Halloween!

18. Do you download music: ..you really need to ask?

19. What illegal things have you done: I've stolen and have drank before the legal age. Oh! I've driven illegally as well. My dad was teaching me how to drive.

20. Where would you want to go on a first date: NOT the movies.

21. Would you date the person who posted this before you? IT'S FAMILY!!!!

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally: I've had a song made for me, does that count?

23. Have you ever cried for no reason: Yes...crazy females.

24. Do you like Bush: Fuck no.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped: No, but it's a dream!

26. Have you ever white-water rafted: No, and don't ever wanna either.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? I'm not sure...jokingly yes, but seriously... I don't think so.

28. Last person you hugged: Probably my dad, but I don't remember. It actually might have been Sally from last time I was in new york city.

29. Have you met a real redneck: Yeah, it was a hilarious encounter. He must have never seen someone with pink hair before.

30. How is the weather right now: Cold, quiet and calm.

31. Song you're listening to right now: Nothing actually, but I was listening to Placebo earlier.

32. What are your current fav songs?: "Mind your own business" by pigface, "6 underground" by sneak pimps, "Living Room" by tegan and sara, and "Stained" by android lust.

33. What was the last movie you watched?: Pupper Master vs. Demonic Dolls on sci-fi. Oh god comedy gold!

34. Do you wear contacts: No, but i might be getting glasses soon...

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? The darkroom at In-Sight in town.

36. What are you afraid of? CHAIN-FUCKING-SAWS. KEEP THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME!

37. OOOOH: SNAP!

38. How many pets do you have: Two cats and a dog,

39. Have you ever loved someone: I thought so a couple times, but that was silly enfatuations.

40. What really turns you on: That's too personal.

41. What do you usually order from Starbucks: I've been to starbucks about three times ever and after japan, NEVER AGAIN!

42.Have you ever fired a gun: A pellet gun in 7th grade...

43. Are you missing someone: No, I am missing a place.

44. Say something totally random about yourself: The Wringer was my favourite book in 4th grade, I might have been the only kid in my class who liked it (our teacher read it to us).

45. Do you have an ipod? No, i have a creative zen nano. bloo!

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Yeah, once as Zoe Daschnell (OH GOD I WISH!!) and then as Natalie Portman...both times only because of how my hair style was.

47. Whats your mom's name: Thais

48. Who would you like to see right now: atwekrah;sdflikahsdmf. decoding fun!

49. Favorite band of all time (only ONE): FUCK! This is so unfair...It's a tie between Nine Inch Nails and Tegan & Sara

50. Dogs or cats: BOTH. Take that bitches.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? Yes, nothing really bad.

52. Favorite flower: Pfft, like I think about flowers.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn: Vinega (seriously, it's delicious!)

54. What books are you reading: "The Founding Mothers" by Cokie Roberts

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo: Nope

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Only pets.

57. Do you watch MTV: Nope.

58. What's something that really bugs you: USE YOUR GODDAMN BLINKERS!!!!!!!!!!!

59. What are some things you really like doing: Working in the darkroom, talking to friends, and spending time alone too. I love going to the theaters alone.

60. 9? ...what?

61. Can you dance: Sort of I guess.

62. Favorite basketball team: None

63. Favorite cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios.

64. Do you drive: Yeah

65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out: 8 am.

66. Last time you went bowling: OH! A few weeks ago when I had a minireunion with my japan gang in new york.

67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? When I was about to rip out of mothers stomach...actually, I don't know :P Well, I might have been when I had eaten rat poison when I was little, but I don't remember.

68. Who was your last phone call?: Good question...I don't remember.

69. Last time you were at work: I don't have a job.

70. Whats your favorite state to be in: Brasilia...though that's not really considered a state. So...mmmmm...I don't know.

tags: boredome

I'm about to undergo a three week trial of a promise. Lets hope this goes smoothly.

here's pictures of my new dress i got in NYC:

http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t248/5laisa/Me/DSC_0022.jpg
http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t248/5laisa/Me/DSC_0020.jpg

Friday-
Visited the New School. Everyone in my tour group was into some kind of fashion or design interest- I felt so out of place. Not to mention the tour guide (being a student) barely had any information on the photography course, but knew about everything else. THE MOST AWESOMEST PART OF THE TOUR: GETTING STUCK IN THE FUCKING ELEVATOR. YEAH!!! We pressed the alarm a million times, the guard outside was laughing at us- he did not realize we were stuck. I was so pissed. It was crowded and hot. I quietly panicked and cried a little bit, it was fucking embarrassing. We eventually figured out the door was able to be pushed open. I dont know if my dad he even noticed my minibreakdown or just ignored me... It felt awesome to have some support dad! THANKS. I felt like shit the whole time afterwards. Overall, I did not like the school, and it's superfuckingexpensiveofallhell.
He dropped me off to go into a B&H to get lightbulbs for the enlarger, and he was going to go around the block and pick me up at the bus stop. I get out, walk over as he drives away, and i see the store is closed. =| I had to wait 40 minutes for my dad to finally arrive- the traffic was really heavy, so it took him forever to get around the block. But i also managed to keep myself calm (on the ouside that is...) I just pretended i was waiting for a bus- it's amazing how much that helped. As soon as i started thinking about my dad i would start panicking. He showed up of course, then he dropped me off at Sally's house (yay!!) We hung out, then went over to these kids house because she needed to babysit them.

Saturday-
Woke up, sally was off to her PSAT test. Her mom helped me out with how to get to the sheraton hotel to meet up with reagan (and keven, kyle, travis, zoe, and clay. sally met up with us later- oh by the way, these were people in my group from the japan trip. reagan was the leader). I was able to take the subway and not get lost, ALL BY MYSELF. Naturally I was nervous, but no major flipping out! The group got together, and we walked one block and saw a huge sign for a restaurant, "SAPPORO". It was meant to be! (note- we stayed in the city of sapporo for ten days during the trip) I got to curry rice- YES! It was delicious!
Then we went bowling, that was fun of course. I got a strike, which was pretty amazing. But over all my team lost- me, travis, keven and sally, againts clay, kyle, zoe, and reagan.
Then we parted from travis and reagan, it was sad =[
The rest of us went shopping, because I needed to find a dress. I found red glasses! I've been looking for red glasses for the longest time! Zoe and Sally found a great dress when we were at Trash and Vaudeville, so that was that. Kyle got another pair of fake glasses, hehehe.
It was bye bye time again eventually, which always sucks! But atleast it wasnt as tragic as the good bye in japan.

Later that night...Sally and I went over to some park that had astro-turf, the WEIRDEST FAKE GRASS EVER. I freaked me out, it was like...plastic grass...so weird...*shudder*. I got to see Ana again, and I met Cloe- but she was being a sad drunk, so that was awkward. Everyone else was acting weird too, according to sally. I felt out of place and felt kind of depressed, and it didnt help at all when we headed over to her school to experience the last three minutes of the school dance. I stuck it out because sally really wanted to go. It was really hot and sweaty and gross in the place, everyone was just grinding- i felt like i was witnessing a huge orgy D8 We left, and i found myself shaking, so i was able to get a cigarette from one of sally's friend. (no! i'm not a smoker, i smoke occasionally- it's VERY RARE, like once a year or less. I do enjoy how it makes my head all weird and makes me relax but I can't smoke more than one because it becomes uncomfortable inhaling the smoke after a while.) Then i felt shitty again afterwards, but we were heading back soon.

Sunday- Got the train and headed back. The train ride felt longer than usual because i didnt have headphones to be able to listen to my music =[ But i'm here now, and alive. With a headache. It's definitely food time.

I miss my japan gang again now! I wish the visit with them lasted longer.

mood: sad tags: nyc

Okay, something really scary happen to me this morning/afternoon. I was walking with socks down my carpeted stairs, and near the bottom I slip and hit my butt really hard and my foot did something weird, my arm got yanked back because i was holding on to the railing, what hurt the most was my head because of the impact of falling- but I didn't hit my head anywhere.

I've slip a lot of those stairs because of wearing socks and having no friction, but nothing major ever happens. I just sat there after going "OOOWWWW!!!!!!" really loud, my dad was asking if I was ok, and I was, or I thought I was. As I sat there, my vision slowly went black and I felt my body get really weak. My dad was already near me, asking if I was ok. I remember feeling my body lay back on the stairs, but I don't know if I just fell or voluntarily laid back. I thought I just fell asleep, but apparently I totally blacked out. When I woke up again, my dad was sitting behind me, holding my head up and talking to me. My vision slowly came back and I just suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. I remember faintly thinking sometime, I think before I passed out, "Am I dieing?" and then after I was sitting up again, I was looking at my legs and thought "Am I paralyzed?" but i saw my foot move.

It was fucking strange and really scary how I just passed out like that, without even hitting my head anywhere.

mood: shocked